Forget the one week thing

So, I decided to just say fuck it, and do it the way that I know will work for me. As of right now I've only lost 1.2 pounds, so I don't get my treat, which is my red earrings. But, I mean, at least I'm losing something. Slow and steady wins the race I guess. I do hope to drop my 2 pounds here soon though. My little goal is to get out of the 200's. I want to get below 205. Right now I'm at 206.4. By October 17th, I wanted to be down 18 pounds. Then I'd be at 189.6. Which is below 190. Good. : ) I did start running. I'm on my 2nd week. It was pretty hard. I did quit smoking as well. I don't drink sweet tea. On my days off of running, I tend to overeat. I need to fix that. That's probably what stopped my weight loss this week. I ate a little bit of candy. Let's try not overeating. Eat what I want, just not too much of it. Eat a serving size of candy. Well, that's all for now. I've got to get ready for work.

I need peace of mind

I'm basically going insane over here. I'm tired of reading all these blogs about myself trying to get on track. Fuck it all in the ass. I've gone two days without smoking now, and I'm doing pretty good with that. I'm still dealing with sugar issues. That'll straighten itself out. I hopefully will start running for real on Sunday. I'm going to ask my fiancee to help me out. I'm going to try this little thing out, and see if it helps me out.
MY REASON
To be healthy. To look good. To succeed. To feel amazing.
MY GOAL FOR WEEK 1 (starting Sunday 8/10/08)
Run for 30 minutes 5x. Don't eat sweets. (includes sweet tea, candy, etc.) but I can have lemonade, and what not.

I need to relearn portion sizes, and not expect to lose 2 pounds every week.
After I get paid again, I'll be buying fruits and vegetables. I should be getting my 5 a day.

The 4th is Rolling Around

No, not the 4th of July, but the 4th of August. This is pay day. I have a feeling that this is going to be for real. I'm already getting serious. I'm so excited about spending this extra money on groceries. I've basically cut out smoking. It has been making me sick. I should be starting running again on Sunday. I'm not sure if I'm doing mornings or nights, but I'm doing it. I'm ready to jump on that treadmill. I miss running so much. I miss how thin I was, I miss how toned I was, and I miss how in shape I was. I can't wait until Sunday. I'm ready for this!

I have so many problems

I have noticed that I have so many food issues. Honestly, I don't even like food that much. I just eat like crazy sometimes. I do know for sure that I have an addiction to sweet tea, sugar, and fast food. I'd like to try and fix this. Not to mention that I am a smoker. I'd like to quit smoking. I'm not buying cigarettes this pay day. I'll be quitting cold turkey. To replace my smoking, I think I'll work out. I need to start getting to bed early, and wake up early. My goals for tomorrow, are to work out for at least a half hour. I'll try to push for an hour. I'm going to not drink sweet tea for a week, and after that it shouldn't be too complicated. I mean, if I cut out ciggs. then I'll have that extra money to spend on my groceries. I'm spending $80 a month on ciggs. That's such a waste. I want to wake up at around 8 or 10 tomorrow. My goal this week is to work out tomorrow, and at least 2 other days. I might just do walking for a few weeks. Maybe gradually get back up to running again. I miss the shit like mad. I've gained so much fucking weight, and I'm tired of being disgusted with my body. I'm a little over 200 pounds right now. By October, I want to be at least at 195. I could probably get to 192. My mini goal for now is to get to 189. Then back to 175, but my ultimate goal is going to be 150. I need to work out hard. To get my motivation back, I'll use Amy, and Adam. I want to be hot as hell. I've got like half a cup of sweet tea sitting next to me, and I'm about to throw it out. I'm tired of this bullshit. I want to live long, and look good. Wish me luck.

I truly don't know if I can ever do it again

I am an analyzer. I like to analyze every aspect of my life. And one of my biggest accomplishments in my life previously was the weight that I had lost. I am not happy where my body is at right now. I mean, I will actually wear tank tops, and it won't bother me, but my body is just getting too damn big. I'm noticing that my face is a lot more fuller, my clavicles don't show much, I'm getting a slight double chin now. My old pants don't really fit. I literally can not breathe in them anymore. So, I sit here and analyze this. Where did all my motivation go. I mean, come on, I have nothing left. Literally. I was so strict with myself before. I need to find a medium. What had actually motivated me previously? I think it was all the shitty comments. I want to be hot. For myself, for my man, for my family. I want him to be proud of what I have done. To be proud to show me off. I am at 200 pounds again. I told myself that I would never let myself get big again. But I guess that didn't happen. I never thought I'd see that damn number on that scale. Yet, I do, again. I want to use the motivation that I used before. Like I had said, the shitty comments. I'll remember Maria saying "girl, you're getting big", "what happened to your diet"?. Patricia's, "your legs are fat, white, and juicy". Emmanuels, "are you pregnant?". Dwayne's "what happened to the salads?". There are so many damn comments. I want to show my family that I can do it again. I can take it farther this time. In order to succeed in this. I need to start eating healthy again. This one is going to take a little bit of time. For now, I'll just train myself to eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm satisfied, drink when I'm thirsty, and what not. I didn't have money for groceries this week, so I can't buy any food. Groceries are important. And I need to see them as that. They're always the first thing that I cut off my list, if I don't have enough money. On August 4th, I will make sure to make the money to put groceries, and keep groceries on my list. I need to stop going out to eat. I do it almost everyday. I almost don't remember how good I felt when I was taking the time to work out, and eat healthy. I'm feeling so tired and lazy now. I just basically work and sleep. I want to feel energized, and not so damn sluggish all the time. I almost feel like CC is holding me back quite a bit. So, now I'm just going to say fuck her, and do it on my own.

Today Is The Day

So, today is the very first day of CC and I starting to lose weight. I'm a bit nervous, but I'm excited. I'm ready to drop some more weight again. It's about damn time we did this. We get paid today, so we get to do some grocery shopping. I'm actually buying food this pay check. It's been a while since I did that. I need to cut down on my calories consumed at McDonald's. I'm going to be either going with a 4-6 piece nugget or a side salad. I'll stick with drinking water or lemonade. Maybe an occasional sweet tea, since I love that stuff so much. I have to find some kind of work out to do tomorrow. I'm not 100% sure what I'm doing yet. I think I might do some jumping rope. It'll probably kill me. : ) But it's all good. I also want to do some strength training. I love building muscle. I'll post tomorrow night on how the day went. Wish me luck as usual.

Getting Prepped

So, CC and I are deciding to try and lose weight together. We're both single. I'm really enjoying that, but I'm not enjoying all of the excess weight that I've gained within the past few months. I seriously have gained about 25 pounds. I want to lose all of that again as well as an additional maybe 15-25. We're going to start next pay day. Which is May 26th. I'm a little scared, but I'm ready to start getting into shape again. My clothes are getting so much tighter, and I feel nasty. I still have most of my confidence, but I have lost some of it. I just want to feel good about myself again. I'm going to start planning out my list of foods, and work outs.

I'm There, But Still Having Issues

Yeah, so I have gotten myself back down to 185. It didn't take me too long. Although, if I can't stop eating so much candy, then I won't be here for long. I can't seem to stick with my 1500 caloric intake. I'm always at least at 2000. I am hardly ever even near 1500. It just seems too hard. I am always getting hungry. So, now I'd like to try and see if my caloric intake is right for my age and body. I'm thinking about jumping it up to 1800. I think that's what I'm going to do. 1800 still leaves me hungry, and I'm not going to deprive my body when it needs to eat. I have also decided that I can't buy candy at all. I just can't stay away unless I don't buy any. I mean, I bought Hot Tamales and put them into separate baggies of serving sizes. And yesterday I ended up eating 3 of them. So, I realize that I can't control myself, so therefore I don't get the extra treat. I will though, buy a box of 100 calorie packs. They are lower in calories and I can control myself with them. So, that's what I'll be doing. I need to get rid of this weight, not add to it. I am trying to do everything in my power to get to my goal. I am still playing the DDR, although not as often as before. That's fine. I'm sick right now, and I'm not going to force myself to play. I need to remember to always keep my goals in mind. Wish me luck.

Dance Dance Revolution

So, I've finally found a workout that I truly am addicted to. I've played twice already today, and yesterday for an hour. It's incredibly fun. I burn a lot of calories on it too. I can't wait to lose more weight on it. I'm doing pretty good. I think I'll be dropping another pound or two. The scale when I got on it this morning said 187, then it moved to 188, then to 189. So, I just went with 189. I don't want to get my hopes up. I know that this time I truly have all of my motivation back. It's so exciting. I'm glad that I'm finally back on track. Wish me luck everyone. I'll keep everyone updated.

From Calorie Count

I truly think these are great ideas, and I would like to keep them in mind. Once, I can work on getting my mindset at 1500 cals, I will be lowering them 100, until I reach 1200. I'm not going to school tomorrow, and will be working out, and doing some homework. I think I may have lost a pound. I know, it sounds gay, but I'm excited about it. I worked my ass off for it. The scale read 189 this morning. I can't wait until I lose 5 pounds so I can get my hair cut and dyed. Or until I get under 185! Wish me luck.

You gotta be DETERMINED. Bottom line. You have to recognize that it is a life time change and that you are the only person that feeds yourself. Here are a few mindsets that I have come up with myself to help me get past wanting to eat certain foods.

1. Unhealthy Food Outlook: Look at the food; you've eaten it before. Do you remember how it tastes? Of course you do! Has it changed? Of course it hasn't. Is it nutritious for your body? If not, why bother eating (edit: especially an unhealthy portion) again?

2. You can have your cake and eat it too: Take a bite, put down the fork, or the bag of m&m's or whatever your weakness may be. Chew, swallow. Okay now have the flavor in your mouth and you did not go over board on your calories. So after you swallow your food, it is gone, in your tummy, and you are only left with the stale taste off your tongue. So if you put another bite in your mouth, you double it. Then triple, etc. So in essence, calorie consumption is only about how many bites you put into your mouth. So CHILL after a few. (portion control)

3. Waste is Waste: If you are satisfied and have that "I really don't want to waste the rest of this" attitude, think about it! If you consume the food, you will digest it and it will still end up turning into WASTE. Or you can throw it away in the waste basket (or pack it for later) where your body does not have a chance to soak up those calories. Deal? All in all, its waste, so make the right wasteful choice.

4. Time is of the essence: Think about the non nutritious food that you are consuming. Are you going to remember that you consumed it after you have eaten it a week from now? Probably not. What did you eat last Monday? Don't know? Well then... my point is made.

5. Be the Spunky European Car: We only have 1 body, treat it with respect, the right nutrition, and it will treat you that way back. If you give a gasoline powered car diesel, it wont run right. So be a spunky European car and your engine will purr.

6. Give smell a chance! We have 5 senses which are nearly equally strong. Sight, smell, taste, and touch all play a role in how good the food is that we consume. Instead of always receiving joy from food, enjoy the smells of nature (flowers, grass, air) or light some candles to enjoy. This is not good for everyone, but I LOVE my berry candle because it reminds me of starbursts, and my vanilla one reminds me of cake. Mentally I am satisfied. Some cannot cope with these tho, so this is not for everyone.

7. Don't feel obligated to eat: You don't HAVE to eat that birthday cake, or celebration food. SO many people are wrapped up in celebration food and feel guilty if they do not eat the birthday cake. Let this go! Stand out from the crowd by putting your foot down. Bring your own healthy variations and suggest fruits and lean meats for parties you are attending. A healthy alternative for cake and ice cream is to bring sorbet instead. In this case, food is all about socializing.

8. Newly Added - Coping with a Binge: If you feel the want to binge, or eat a late night snack because you just WANT it, remind yourself that you can have it tomorrow. Tomorrow is ALWAYS an option. Keep it in your mind that you can fit it in the next day's calories.

9. Newly Added - Calories = Your Budget: Think of your calories as a bank account. Calories are your money, so you must budget them to fit your needs. If it's not in your budget, then don't eat em. We all hate those over draft charges.

I Did Alright I Guess

So, I just did alright today. It was a weekend, so I was a bit more lenient. I ate a bit too much sugar though. It seems to always be my biggest problem. I sat there at work and at 5 packets of honey because I was so hungry, and then came home to find out that they were each worth 50 calories! My total caloric intake for the day was around 2100 calories. I guess that was fine. I am aiming for more around 1600 though. I will be a lot more strict tomorrow. I didn't get a work out in today, but that's fine. I've already worked out for I think it was 3 days this week. I am working out tomorrow though. Part of the reason why I decided not to was because my muscles are sore basically everywhere. I think I'll do my yoga tape tomorrow. And some more arm and ab strengthening exercises. I really need to get serious about my eating. I'm sitting here and working out and it's basically pointless because of all the crap I'm eating. I really want to lose that 5 pounds so I can get my hair done. Wish me luck! I'll tell you how I did when tomorrow ends.

I Still Ate Too Much Sugar...

Therefore from now on I will try and concentrate a little more on my sugar cravings. I know I can beat it. When I was super serious about my health, I actually went a whole month without sweets, until I decided to have a serving of sorbet. Then it all went to hell. I think I will try this again. I will try to keep my goals in mind. I don't think I did horrible, but my binges are too out of control. Today I ate some more jelly beans, but then told my boyfriend to give them to his friend. Then later tonight I had 14 laffy taffy's, and that is almost 3 servings of them. So too many. From now on when I want something sugary, I will eat some yogurt, or some fruit. Or I could take a walk, or just drink a bunch of water. Anyway, I hope my efforts don't fail. I worked out for 45 minutes today. I did my dancing for 30 minutes again, and I did some strength training for 15 minutes. I found a cool idea that I am going to try. I will take some note cards and write down some workouts on them. Whatever I pull for the day will be what I do. It adds some fun to it.

I Binged and I Hate Myself For It

Yep, you read it. After only a single day, I binged. I now officially realized that I have an eating disorder. Binge eating. I hate it. I don't want to live my entire life hating food, hating myself for eating food, binging on it, and never reaching my goal of weighing 150 pounds. I need to relax. I really tried hard this time to not overeat, but I did. I ate a bar of chocolate, a cadbury egg, 2 tacos, 2 wraps, some cake, and some laffy taffys. All of that in about a 3-5 hour period. Probably around 2000-3000 calories. I am going to make myself a promise. From now on, when I feel hungry I will drink an entire bottle of water, and wait 2o minutes to see if I actually am hungry. If I am then I can have a serving, but once I feel full, I stop eating. For now, I will just stop with 2-3 bites of food left, because my binging has caused my body to not realize when I actually am hungry. I can fight this. I know I can. It doesn't have to take over my life. I will do my 30 minutes of dancing tomorrow, and I will train my arms for 30 minutes. Yesterday, when I worked out, I ate amazingly. Also, I can only allow myself to look at the scale once a week. I have noticed that when I check the scale daily, whether the scale is right or wrong, I go nuts. I just binge like mad. I know I won't be able to deal with this stuff for much longer. I just can't take it. I want to be serious like I was before. That's all for now.

I Danced

So, I decided that since it is less than 20 degrees outside, I won't pick up running until Spring rolls around. Oh, how I love spring. Instead of the running, I danced. I downloaded some hip hop and just danced for a half hour. My legs are sore from the pop, lock, and dropping, but that's great. That is exactly what I wanted. I sweat quite a bit. It was overall, a nice and fun workout. I'll most likely end up doing it tomorrow as well. I ate really well today too. I am proud. I had 3 fruits/vegetables. I ate a little too much of my rice snacks, and had 2 luna bars, but I've got to remember that for the longest time, I was overeating sugar. So, I am going through a little withdrawal, which is why I had that box of luna bars. I only ate when I was hungry too. I feel like I'm so back on track now! It's a very exciting thing, but this will be all for now. I'll post my little goals, and rewards below. Oh yeah, I want to get either an elliptical or a stationary bike for some workouts. I will eventually get both. I just have to wait until the money rolls around. I always have things that are needed.

MY GOALS

Lose 5 pounds- get hair cut and dyed
Lose 10 pounds- undecided
Lose 15 pounds- undecided
Lose 20 pounds- lip piercing

Lose 25 pounds- undecided
Lose 30 pounds- undecided
Lose 35 pounds- undecided
Lose 40 pounds- tattoo

A Fresh Tough Start

I have not posted anything on here in forever.
Nearly a year. I have been through so much. I am no longer with Josh, thank god. My new boyfriends name is Justin. He is great. I am in my senior year. I never did reach that goal to weigh 150 pounds. Although I am still trying. I reached 45 minutes of running when I quit, and since then I have been wanting to start up again. So, I'm starting freshly all over again tomorrow. I might just run in the morning. Who knows? Most likely it will be at night. Anyway. I have gained a lot of weight since I last posted. I was at around 174 and now I'm at 189. But I will kick this lard in the ass. I have really noticed my pants getting tighter, and I'm more tired. It's just such a big difference. I hardly have the time now to workout, but I'm willing to find the time. I know I'll be running tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday. This is all for now. I will try to keep myself posted more often.