Breakdown

It's 3:30 in the morning and I have to be up in 3 hours. I can't sleep. My mind is just racing. Maybe it's the time of the month or maybe it's just a bad night. I can't explain what I have done to myself. I feel like everything around me is just completely falling apart. Like this is the worst time to try and do anything with life. Yes, there are some good things, but the bad just keep on building. I don't feel in control anymore. My weight has skyrocketed up to over 227 pounds. I'm nearly back where I started in the first place. I'm becoming a manager at work, which is good, but it's so much extra work. Adam and I are trying to move out, but there's so much to save and with the economy in the shitter he can't find any work. So, it's all on me, and I can't keep doing it anymore. My ex best friend did nothing and has everything handed to her on a silver platter. She's so happy and wealthy and I'm struggling and nothing is going any where. I've become seriously depressed, and sleep all day. I realize that if I exercised and ate healthy my problems would be much easier to handle but I can't get myself to do it. I have a month before I know I'll be back at my start weight. My weight is starting to control my life again. I can't take it anymore. I'm embarrassed to see my distant family because I've gained so much weight. My new clothes don't even fit anymore. I've been gaining nearly 5 pounds a week. My body hurts. My mind isn't with me. It's in a dark cold corner. I can't keep doing this to myself. I have to become strong. God please help me through this. I'm begging someone something to help. Give me the motivation to keep pushing along. Give me the strength to wake up and better myself.

To Be Strong I Need A Plan
I need to start counting my cals again.
Start slow with working out.
Quit eating so much McDonalds.
Try to put more money aside.
Try and get Adam a job at McDonalds.
Pick a good motivation kick and stick with it.