The Tough Times

These times have been pretty tough. I'm so confused with everything. I've decided to stop running. I feel like a failure even though I went further in the program than I had ever planned on. I need to figure out what I want to do for workouts now. I really want to join a gym. Then when I get back to school, it'll be a lot easier to work out. But I need to get a job first. Maybe I can just wait until Josh(my boyfriend) gets a better job, and then ask him to pay the $19 a month for me to be in the gym. Anyway. I am having trouble deciding what I want to do for exercise. I'm thinking badminton. But I will only want to do that for so long. I just hate how I'm feeling. I haven't worked out in a whole week. It's truly surprising what no exercise for just one week does to me. My depression has come back, I'm not liking my self as much, I feel tired and lazy. I truly hate it. I'm going to get a workout in today though. I will make sure of it. I need to continue my healthy eating, and my workouts. I need to work extra hard to get rid of this weight. I am so tired of being overweight. I want so badly to weigh 150 pounds. Wish me luck.

No Giving Up

I just feel so incredibly hopeless. I am going back to my old habits. I've been having candy almost everyday. It's making me depressed. I haven't been wanting to work out or anything. Last week I ran 2 days. I don't want to be fat again. I told myself I'd never let myself go back to that. I need to stop this. I'm treating food as though it's more important than my health. I hate it. I miss being the health nut. I miss turning down all that garbage food. Now people over me food and I will just sit there and eat it. I won't care. I have to promise myself right this moment that I will take myself more seriously. I will turn down bad food again until I realize that I don't need it. I'm going to go through a little withdrawal. But I have to push myself. I need to relax on the sugar and fat. I can do this. I am strong. I know I have the willpower.

The Scale

Has now moved! Yays! It took over a freaking month. But it finally moved down another 2 pounds. Now I'm at 174. If I eat good I might be able to drop another 2 pounds sometime soon. I have my last run on my running program tonight. Although I will continue it after. So, I'm pretty excited. I'll fill you in more later.

I'm Back

Not only am I back on here, but I am back on track with my eating. I gained back my motivation after going to Indiana Beach a week ago. So, I have been eating healthy for a whole week now. I missed my healthyness. : ) So, I haven't lost any yet. I'm still at 176. But I know that I will lose some weight soon.
Anyway. Tonight is the first run of my last week on the running program. After this week, I am going to continue the running. I will just add time each week. Probably two minutes or something. I am pretty excited. I can't believe that I am already on my last week. It's amazing to me. I remember looking at the paper that said that I would have to walk for 30 seconds, then run for 18, then walk for 30 seconds, and run another 18, and I thought it would be impossible. But it's not. And I know that now. I have pushed myself hard, and I deserve this. Now one of my goals is to run a 5k probably next summer. Maybe even a half marathon next summer. By next summer I should be running for over 60 minutes at least. Wow, a whole entire hour of running. That's insane. I can't wait until I reach 30 minute of running. Well, that's all for now.